The Spirit Pt. III: Escapism & Fear

What is my first thought when something doesn't go right? Flight. As humans, one of our main instincts is to choose one of these two when we enter situations that are uncomfortable: fight or flight. For me, I don't fight much; I choose flight more often than not. I have not made the right decisions regarding escapism---I've had rough patches in my life in which I chose to escape the situation instead of facing it head on. I'll experience a situation that makes me uncomfortable and I get scared---not sure if it's scared of what I'll do or scared of what I'll encounter, but I disappear.

By disappearing, I felt that the pain, anger, sadness, nervousness---any uncomfortable feeling would disappear as well. I awoke each new day to find that this mentality wasn't helpful. Contrary to that belief, disappearing and taking flight from my problems only made them more of a problem in the end.

The biggest problem I have encountered these past eight years was dealing with my grandmother's death. It seemed completely unbelievable to me to understand that a woman so soaked in God's life would pass away with all of her health problems. I asked myself, "Wouldn't God heal her if He truly existed?" This made me question everything I learned growing up going to church. After her funeral I stopped attending church. After her burial I forsook God.

Attending high school, I went through the motions of life, knowing that something was missing. I figured this out as soon as a year after my grandmother's death. Frustrated with my realization of this, I was confused as to where to turn. I bought a book of World Religions and read it thoroughly to find that before I could take on something as important as religion, I needed to understand who I was as a person first. I started attending college and that is where sin found me the most. I did whatever I could to escape the feeling of not being whole. I continued doing this to the point that I convinced myself that I wasn't escaping, I was living, just being a college student, doing what all college students do.

Earlier this summer I was indulging in drinking with a friend when I realized, "this is not where I want to be." I didn't want to drink every night, I already had for the most part due to my extreme sadness over the break-up with my last ex. I went to go to sleep that night and in that dark dorm room I saw a light. It wasn't just the light outside the window--it was much more, and it deeply touched my heart. I went to sleep that night knowing that when I woke up the next day I would embark on a huge change for myself. That next morning I realized I couldn't escape anymore. I needed the light, the strength, the love of God. This is why escapism is a personality trait of mine that I wish to vanquish from myself with the word of the Lord.

Fear is closely rooted with escapism. Fear is what is felt that entices a person to fly from the situation. I personally fear situations in which I feel weak, unprepared, angry, saddened, or new. When I say new, I mean that I've come to the conclusion that even though I've experienced many things, there are still many things, feelings, thoughts---all in all lessons I haven't learned yet. When I feel new in a situation, I'm uncertain as to how I'm going to act, and I'm scared of what the new situation will bring out of me.

I fear being lonely---completely alone in this big world. I fear being hurt again in any of my relationships, whether they be romantically involved or those with family and friends. I fear failure the most. Growing up, thanks to my father, doing something wrong was punishable by harsh words. I began to fear failure because I felt that if I did something wrong, I'd be reprimanded. I became my worst critic---making any mistake at all was debilitating to my emotional and mental health.

What I needed to understand was that we all make mistakes. We're human, and even though we are God made, we are mortal. We are sinners, we will make the wrong decisions. The important thing is to realize that we do so and learn from them. I can make mistakes, but I need to be honest with God and tell Him about them. He will always lend an ear to me, I just have to open my mouth first. Fear is not a personality trait that God wants His children to have. It's the last thing He wants His children to feel.

When I am tempted to ESCAPE from a problem, I need to look to these following verses of scripture:

"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you." Psalms 139: 7-12

"So what makes us think we can escape if we ignore this great salvation that was first announced by the Lord Jesus Himself and then delivered to us by those who heard Him speak? And God confirmed the message by giving signs and wonders and various miracles and gifts of the Holy Spirit whenever He chose." Hebrews 2:2-4


"Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking. For if the people of Israel did not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the earthly messenger, we will certainly not escape if we reject the One who speaks to us from heaven!" Hebrews 12:25


When I am temped to FEAR a feeling I may have regarding a situation or an event in my life, I need to look to these following verses of scripture:

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
Deuteronomy 31:7-8

"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love." 1 John 4:18

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 7: 34

To escape from my problems is to be lead by temptation. I need to understand that I cannot escape from my problems, but instead fight them head on. It is the devil who wants to lure me away from my problems. I should not want to escape, I have no reason to escape. I am a part of God's kingdom, I am a child of God. Why escape from the Holy arms of God's embrace?

Fear is placed on this earth by the devil. He wants to make people afraid of what they can't comprehend or understand at the time. He wants God's people to be afraid of situations they are made to face in their lives so that they are lead to sin and make bad decisions, ultimately being lead away from God's grace. I need not fear evil or the unknown; I need to relinquish my fear and instead accept God's love into my heart, knowing that He will be there for me through all of my trials and tribulations. He knows I'm not perfect and that I will fail, but He will lift me up with His righteous right hand if I ask Him to.

Stay tuned for Pt. IV.

The Spirit Pt. II: Doubt & Guilt

Doubtful and guilty. I was doubtful in myself due to low self-confidence battles I have had within myself while growing up. I felt guilty for making bad decisions with relationships I've had in my life and for hurting others in the process.

That little voice in my head has said time and time again: "Are you sure you can do this? I don't think so. I think you'll fail!" I've heard my little voice before and it's made me clam up and feel like I was trapped in a corner of my own anxiety. I was worried about not succeeding, and because of the worry itself, it made it more difficult to succeed.

I know that from being rash and headstrong I've done things to my friends and loved ones that, in retrospect, I've felt guilty for doing. I'm the type of person who can't stand to know that my loved ones were hurt due to my own actions. This guilt can hit me hard and serve as a temporary criticism lodged in my head for a long amount of time until I have the confidence or means to re-connect with the loved one I hurt, explain to them my fault, and apologize.

From now on, when I have feelings of Doubt, I will look back to these verses:

II Timothy 1:7
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Matthew 21:21
Jesus replied, "I will tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to the mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done."

These three verses tell me that God is on my side. God made me and in doing so He gave me some of His strength. Because I believe in Him I am confident, courageous, and sure in decisions because I have His support. All decision I do are done because they are in His master plan.

Plus, I should never forget. If I do feel doubtful, I could always pray and ask God for help.

If, while growing in God's light, I feel as though I made the wrong decision and feel Guilt because of it, I can find these verses:

Romans 8:1
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the spirit."

Romans 10:13
For "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

I John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I Timothy 2:4
"Who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth."


I am not perfect in any sense of the word. I have sinned. I'm sure that I will need to repent time and time again for sins against the Lord. Prior to accepting God into my life, I sinned constantly in order to attempt to fill the void that I had without Him. I have repented for my sins, and each time I attend church, I apologize for them and ask for forgiveness. Each time I feel I trespass against my friends or loved ones, I apologize and ask for forgiveness. God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are all my family, all my loved ones. Shouldn't I apologize to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit and ask them for their forgiveness?

I pray to God that Doubt and Guilt will cease being problems in my life. As I continue to grow spiritually and in God's light, I hope that these two negative feelings will not hold power over me any longer. I leave these problems for those in the dark.