What is my first thought when something doesn't go right? Flight. As humans, one of our main instincts is to choose one of these two when we enter situations that are uncomfortable: fight or flight. For me, I don't fight much; I choose flight more often than not. I have not made the right decisions regarding escapism---I've had rough patches in my life in which I chose to escape the situation instead of facing it head on. I'll experience a situation that makes me uncomfortable and I get scared---not sure if it's scared of what I'll do or scared of what I'll encounter, but I disappear.
By disappearing, I felt that the pain, anger, sadness, nervousness---any uncomfortable feeling would disappear as well. I awoke each new day to find that this mentality wasn't helpful. Contrary to that belief, disappearing and taking flight from my problems only made them more of a problem in the end.
The biggest problem I have encountered these past eight years was dealing with my grandmother's death. It seemed completely unbelievable to me to understand that a woman so soaked in God's life would pass away with all of her health problems. I asked myself, "Wouldn't God heal her if He truly existed?" This made me question everything I learned growing up going to church. After her funeral I stopped attending church. After her burial I forsook God.
Attending high school, I went through the motions of life, knowing that something was missing. I figured this out as soon as a year after my grandmother's death. Frustrated with my realization of this, I was confused as to where to turn. I bought a book of World Religions and read it thoroughly to find that before I could take on something as important as religion, I needed to understand who I was as a person first. I started attending college and that is where sin found me the most. I did whatever I could to escape the feeling of not being whole. I continued doing this to the point that I convinced myself that I wasn't escaping, I was living, just being a college student, doing what all college students do.
Earlier this summer I was indulging in drinking with a friend when I realized, "this is not where I want to be." I didn't want to drink every night, I already had for the most part due to my extreme sadness over the break-up with my last ex. I went to go to sleep that night and in that dark dorm room I saw a light. It wasn't just the light outside the window--it was much more, and it deeply touched my heart. I went to sleep that night knowing that when I woke up the next day I would embark on a huge change for myself. That next morning I realized I couldn't escape anymore. I needed the light, the strength, the love of God. This is why escapism is a personality trait of mine that I wish to vanquish from myself with the word of the Lord.
Fear is closely rooted with escapism. Fear is what is felt that entices a person to fly from the situation. I personally fear situations in which I feel weak, unprepared, angry, saddened, or new. When I say new, I mean that I've come to the conclusion that even though I've experienced many things, there are still many things, feelings, thoughts---all in all lessons I haven't learned yet. When I feel new in a situation, I'm uncertain as to how I'm going to act, and I'm scared of what the new situation will bring out of me.
I fear being lonely---completely alone in this big world. I fear being hurt again in any of my relationships, whether they be romantically involved or those with family and friends. I fear failure the most. Growing up, thanks to my father, doing something wrong was punishable by harsh words. I began to fear failure because I felt that if I did something wrong, I'd be reprimanded. I became my worst critic---making any mistake at all was debilitating to my emotional and mental health.
What I needed to understand was that we all make mistakes. We're human, and even though we are God made, we are mortal. We are sinners, we will make the wrong decisions. The important thing is to realize that we do so and learn from them. I can make mistakes, but I need to be honest with God and tell Him about them. He will always lend an ear to me, I just have to open my mouth first. Fear is not a personality trait that God wants His children to have. It's the last thing He wants His children to feel.
When I am tempted to
ESCAPE from a problem, I need to look to these following verses of scripture:
"I can never
escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your
presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there
your hand will guide me, and
your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but
even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the
same to you." Psalms 139: 7-12
"So what makes us think we can
escape if we ignore this great salvation that was first announced by the Lord Jesus Himself and then delivered to us by those who heard Him speak? And God
confirmed the message by giving
signs and
wonders and various
miracles and
gifts of the Holy Spirit whenever
He chose." Hebrews 2:2-4
"Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the
One who is speaking. For if the people of Israel did
not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the
earthly messenger, we will certainly
not escape if we reject the
One who speaks to us from
heaven!" Hebrews 12:25
When I am temped to
FEAR a feeling I may have regarding a situation or an event in my life, I need to look to these following verses of scripture:
"So be
strong and
courageous! Do
not be
afraid and do
not panic before them. For the
Lord your
God will
personally go ahead of you; He will
neither fail you
nor abandon you."
Deuteronomy 31:7-8
"Such
love has
no fear, because perfect love
expels all fear. If we are
afraid, it is for
fear of
punishment, and this shows that we have
not fully
experienced His perfect
love." 1 John 4:18
"Don't be
afraid, for I am
with you. Don't be
discouraged, for I am
your God. I will
strengthen you and
help you. I will
hold you up with
my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"So
don't worry about
tomorrow, for
tomorrow will bring its own
worries. Today's
trouble is enough for
today." Matthew 7: 34
To
escape from my problems is to be lead by temptation. I need to understand that I cannot escape from my problems, but instead fight them head on. It is the devil who wants to lure me away from my problems. I should not want to escape, I have no reason to escape. I am a part of God's kingdom, I am a child of God. Why escape from the Holy arms of God's embrace?
Fear is placed on this earth by the devil. He wants to make people afraid of what they can't comprehend or understand at the time. He wants God's people to be afraid of situations they are made to face in their lives so that they are lead to sin and make bad decisions, ultimately being lead away from God's grace. I need not fear evil or the unknown; I need to relinquish my fear and instead accept God's love into my heart, knowing that He will be there for me through all of my trials and tribulations. He knows I'm not perfect and that I will fail, but He will lift me up with His righteous right hand if I ask Him to.
Stay tuned for Pt. IV.
